This is a lyric from Alanis Morissette's song, "Uninvited." Alanis is one of my favorite artists. I've loved her since I was about fifteen. Back then her album Jagged Little Pill had just come out and the single "You Oughta Know" was a big hit. I remember that song becoming my anthem at the time. If you are not familiar, it's a lovely ballad about a scorned woman. At the time I was a scorned teenager who fell prey to a boy who told me what I wanted to hear to get me out on a few dates. By date number three he stood me up and I never saw him again. Back then I felt like it was the worst thing in the world. I was full of anger, hurt and desperation. The song made me feel empowered and basically convinced me that boys sucked. I should have learned my lesson then! ;)
Fast forward to today. The song has a similar meaning for me now as I grapple with a painful divorce as an adult. It still empowers me and I still think boys suck! A lot of her songs have that affect on me.
I am the stoic. I always have been. I get that from my mom and its not something I'm proud of. My mom was a cop in the small town I grew up in. She didn't show emotion. Her mother (my grandmother) was also a stoic. Emotion was viewed as a sign of weakness and neither my grandmother nor mother are weak people. I've always held in my emotions, never showing my hand, always maintaining my poker face. Well the stoic squirmed in therapy yesterday. I broke down and burst into tears right there in my therapist's office. She's been waiting for this since I started seeing her a few months ago. She kept telling me it wasn't healthy to keep everything pent up. She was worried about me letting loose at the wrong time or in an unhealthy way. Like balling my eyes out over a yogurt commercial, or having a total meltdown in the frozen food section of my local Stop and Shop.
Now I certainly wasn't hysterical or uncontrollable, but I did cry. I cried hard and it felt good. :)
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