Trust

So. True. You know, it's funny how that works. It's almost like dealing with weight gain. You can eat poorly for a month or so and pack on the pounds, but man it takes FOREVER to get that weight off. At least for me it does....

I spent many years "trusting" my ex husband. It goes without saying doesn't it? You marry someone and you should automatically trust them. But trust is earned. We had been together for about 4 years before we got married. Unconsciously I was building up trust for him over those years. I didn't feel like I worked hard at it, it just sort of came naturally. I didn't doubt, or question or wonder. I accepted, loved and had an open heart and mind. It wasn't until that trust was broken during his affair that I realized how much it meant. We take things like trust for granted. You just assume that someone should trust you. Why? Because you said so? I'll say it again .... trust is earned. And as the quote says above, it takes years to build up and merely seconds to destroy. I know because I've been there.

In my new relationship (just shy of the 6 month mark), I am having a hard time trusting. My new guy isn't the one that broke my heart. He's not the one that lied and cheated. But sadly he's bearing the brunt of my trust baggage. It's unfair to assume he has to prove anything to me, but in my mind he does. He has to prove he won't rip my heart out and stomp all over it, or just up and leave me one day. Because in my twisted little head, that's what I foresee happening. 

It helps you understand abuse in a way, and why children and animals need time to warm up to a new family/owner after being victimized. You have to show them that they can trust you. You have to EARN it. In their eyes you will abuse them just like the last person. That is all they know until you show them otherwise. That is all I know until I'm shown otherwise. 

I wish I knew exactly when I'd start trusting again. That would be awesome. Until then, I'll take it one day at a time ....that's all I can do.