The Rest is Still Unwritten ...

I love this song by Natasha Bedingfield. When I first heard it I didn't care much for it. That's my M-O with most new songs. They have to grow on me in order to earn a spot on my coveted iTunes. This song finally grew on me because it is about just that .... growth. The concept of things being unwritten, or not yet finished, is one that is inspiring to me, especially at this point in my life. I'm no stranger to change, and quite frankly could do without it for a good long while. But I am all about the future and what's to come. For me, I thrive on that. It keeps me up at night. It's the reason I wake up in the morning. It's what powers me through each day. The concept that we, and we alone, are empowered and inspired to create our own destiny is truly awesome.

I happen to be at a weird impasse in my life where I have some major decisions to make. I'll create a nice bulleted list for your viewing pleasure...

• Serious relationship = marriage. RE-marriage that is! Eeeeeeeeek! More on this to come...
• My career. I've been going through a bit of an identity crisis with my career lately. Unemployed confusion from a few years ago led me down a few different paths. At this point I'm struggling with exactly what I want to be when I grow up. (There's that word "grow" again. WTH.) 
• Living arrangements need to change. I can't afford my house. There. I said it out loud on the Internet (so it must be true!) I have been negotiating with my lender for quite some time now and the realization that I just can't pay for this money pit any longer hit me like a ton of bricks the other day. This means more change with a potential sale and move and such. More on this to come as well. Sigh. 
• Age. I will be 35 in April. THIRTY-FIVE! Now those of you already passed this momentous birthday are probably thinking "Waa, waa, waa, come talk to me when you hit 40!" Touche I say. But this is about me right now, and 35 is kind of a big deal for me. I've never been here before and it scares me just a little ... 

All of these things have various meanings for me and my life and the lives my children in one way or another. I have some serious soul searching and figuring out of shiz to do. I have to determine what I want for my future. On one hand it's frightening as all giddy-up. But on the other hand it's pretty darn cool to have that kind of power.

Now don't get me wrong, I do believe in a higher power ('sup G-O-D!) One of my favorites sayings is we plan and God laughs. I find such truth in this saying -- that no matter what we do certain things are just meant to be (or not). And I do believe that no matter how much prep and planning we mere mortals do, there are things that are just beyond our control. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't continue to make plans and create the future that we desire. You can be or do whatever you want (within reason of course), and no one can tell you otherwise. This song spells it out in plain English. It reminds me to continue to write the pages of my book. I kind of like to think that we're all books that are not yet finished.   

The rest is still unwritten (according to my girl Natasha.) So go and write some super awesome kick-ass chapters ya'll. I'll be sure to check back in as I continue to do the same!

Happy holidays...

...from my family to yours!

There are no words...

Heaven has gained an entire list of new angels. The unspeakable has happened in a town down the road from my own. Like so many, I am in utter shock. Numb and profoundly saddened.

Pray for them and their loved ones. Pray for us all.

It's been a long time ... I shouldn't have left you ... without a dope beat to step to ...

Now that I have your attention - HEY YA'LL!! I am thoroughly embarrassed at how long it has been since my last blog post. I feel like I've just walked into an AA meeting and should be telling you all "it's been over a year since my last post!" Argh. I've broken the cardinal rule of blogging: don't neglect your blog. Post on a routine schedule. Um yeah about that ...

Sometimes life gets in the way. One of my fave quotes from Private Practice (don't judge) is "we plan and God laughs." It's so true. I planned to blog on a regular basis and could not for the life of me stick to that plan. Things (sh*t) happens. It doesn't make it right for me to neglect something I really had every intention of sticking with, but hey, I'm back, I've apologized and hopefully we can kiss and make up!

On that note ... how the heck have you been?!?!?

More to come. And I promise I won't let this much time pass before we meet again.

Super Nanny, please help!

Oh dear God summer needs to end and it needs to end NOW! I am so over my kids staying up late at night, sleeping the day away and bitching & moaning about how they are bored. Um, read a book! Go play outside! I opted out of camp for them this year (who am I kidding, my wallet opted me out!) however, my kids have not been without fun activities and things to do. When feasible I've taken them to do different things including but not limited to the following: the pool, BBQs, sports complex, movies, the mall, amusement park (OK, so my babysitter took them, but I paid for it), and the park. Sounds like a lot doesn't it? Damn straight it is. And yet the cries of boredom rage on. I do not understand at what point a kid's fun-meter fills up, but my children seem to have an insatiable need for activity. That's all well and good, but mama's got bills to pay, a FT job and no desire to entertain you 24/7. I give you food & shelter, entertainment is on you.

My second, and more troubling issue, is that summer seems to have drained my children of all brain power and ability to reconcile "right" from "wrong". Not to mention the ability to listen to me. It's almost as if the discipline they are taught throughout the school year falls by the wayside once school is out for summer (insert Alice Cooper lyrics here.) I find myself repeating things over and over and over again. Did I mention I repeat myself? Well I do. I repeatedly repeat myself and it's annoying. My oldest daughter will be 13 in less than a month. So in addition to the summer brain drain, I am also dealing with "soon to be a teenager" hormones. Yay me. My middle son has a lack of motivation and low self-esteem which is a whole other can o' worms, but I digress. My youngest son has more energy than a case of Red Bull, but is also 3 years old. His ability to listen is almost non-existent. His attention span is limited and his temper tantrums are frequent.

Each kid has their own challenges which keeps life interesting. Trouble is I am struggling with how to deal with each without going absolutely freakin insane. Summer and the lack of a routine is not helping, but alas, it is almost over. I'm hopeful I can survive without Super Nanny, but will keep her number handy just in case ....