Rough week

As if the scorching hot temperatures weren't bad enough this week, I found myself with a scorching hot temper.

I am pretty good at holding it together on the outside while going completely batty on the inside. That's just how I am. Well this week the battiness was unleashed. And the worst part was that it was unleashed in front of and at the expense of my kids.

My daughter is a preteen bundle of hormonal wackiness. I love her to pieces, but she can be a real witch when she wants to be. This week she decided to take some nail polish to her dad's house. I wasn't thrilled with that because daddy can buy nail polish for her to use at his house. Mommy bought this nail polish, and mommy kind of wanted her to leave the nail polish at home. But it wasn't so much the bringing of said polish to daddy's...it was the fact that she was bringing said nail polish to have the dirty mistress paint her nails. Now I'm not much of a nail painter. In fact, I prefer to go to the salon for things like that. Call me spoiled, but I do!  My daughter knows this, and has taken it upon herself to ask the DM to paint her nails on occasion. At first she'd come home showing me how she had her toes or fingernails painted. It was cute the first couple of times, but then it quickly got old. I grew tired of hearing about how the DM was painting MY child's nails. I also grew extremely jealous of how the DM was potentially bonding with my daughter during this time. I can't stomach that right now. I'm just not ready for that.

On the day in question I asked my daughter about her plans for the nail polish and the hormonal wackiness ensued. She made a snippy comment under her breath instead of answering my question. I lost it. Did I mention that the cable guy was supposed to come this same day and he was about two hours late?!?!?! A moot point to some extent, but it definitely did not help matters at all.

I took the four bottles of nail polishes from the counter and threw them across the room all the while yelling obscenities at my kids. They looked at me funny, but calmly picked up the bottles of polish (which did not break) and continued doing what they were doing, somewhat ignoring my outburst. When their father arrived to pick them up for dinner, I abruptly told them their dad was here and that it was time to leave. They scurried out the door, clearly happy to be rid of "mommy dearest" for a few hours. I called my husband to ask that he please refrain from having his DM paint my daughter's nails. I explained how the whole scenario made me feel. Or at least I tried to explain. I'm not sure he understood. Men don't understand feelings as it is, but ex-husbands in particular cannot possibly understand their scorned ex-wife's feelings about the mistress attempting to bond with her children. I'm not sure I understand these feelings. Its all new to me, and I've never felt like this before in my life! All I know is I was pissed and I made that known to all involved. The worst part was that my feelings did not seem to matter. My daughter came home with painted nails, much to my dismay. I took it VERY personally and I let her know that. It was kind of a slap in the face that even after my tirade she still thought it was ok to have the DM paint her nails. I get that she's 11, and all she really cares about is herself. That's just how 11 year old girls are. But during this time of awkwardness, anger & distress, it would be nice if she thought of someone other than herself for just a moment.

Maybe I'm asking too much. Perhaps. Maybe my flying off the handle the way I did was inappropriate. Perhaps. I did learn something about myself during this. I need to learn to express myself in a healthy way & find ways to process my anger. I have to realize that my kids are just as hurt, angry and distressed during this time as I am, if not more! I can't take my anger out on them no matter what. They are not at fault. They are just children. Even my '11 going on 21 year old' daughter is still just a little girl that simply wanted her nails painted.