Poker face

I don't normally find myself in a foul mood. Generally I am one of the most pleasant people I know. But lately I've been on edge. 


I have quite a few reasons to be on the brink these days. For starters, back in April I became a casualty of this lovely recession and lost my job. It's the first time in my career that I've ever been laid off. It's a weird feeling. It's like someone breaking up with you. Typically I'm the one doing the breaking up. I leave the job because I start to fantasize about throwing things at my coworkers. That's when I know my time has come. I update the ole resume and begin my search. It usually pays off in a number of weeks (worst case scenario in a few months), and before long I'm happy as a clam at a new gig. It's been my "M-O" for the past 10 years of my career. But this time my employer broke up with me. I was dumbfounded. And in this economy my usual plan isn't working. I've been forced to come up with a plan B, and sadly I don't know what plan B is yet. 


Speaking of break-ups, I'm also in the midst of a divorce. Yep. To add insult to injury not only did my employer break up with me, but my husband actually broke up with me too!!!!! Now granted we've had a turbulent relationship that has spanned 13 years. There have been lots of issues over the years. Some "normal" ups and downs, but more downs than ups unfortunately. We've been married for 9 years and have 3 beautiful, awesome, amazing, albeit at times maddening, children. So it couldn't have all been bad, right? But after 13 years together, 9 years of marriage, 3 kids, and a new house (just recently purchased btw) the husband has decided he's done with me. To add salt to the wound, he left me for another woman. Again I am just dumbfounded. (There's that word again - wth!) 


I truly feel as if I've lost complete control of my life. I am trying like hell to hold it together for my children, but it's not easy. Even though I am supermom, I am still only human. If you cut me do I not bleed?! Damn straight I do. So while all of this is going on I can't let my kids see my hand. I have to stay strong for their sake. I have to maintain my poker face ....